


Broken

by LykaonArkadia



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Kidnapping, Nightmares, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 04:28:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16947003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LykaonArkadia/pseuds/LykaonArkadia
Summary: After a failed mission, Loki finds himself having to live with the guilt of the disappearance of his love.





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Requested on Tumblr.

_“The two of us can handle this one alone, right Loki?” She had claimed proudly, her arms crossed in defiance at Tony’s suggestion they needed a full team._

_He had whole-heartedly agreed. Jumping at the chance of true alone time with his love, and a chance to prove that they could handle themselves. For him to redeem himself, and for her to break out of the handholding missions Tony let her participate in._

Loki swallows hard as his eyes prickle, watching the scene unfold on the screen in front of them. After the mission had gone wrong, that’s all they seemed to do anymore. Y/N was gone, and Loki returned in the worst shape the others had ever seen him.

So there they sat, watching the meeting videos, the jet cam, and anything else they could possibly think of to get a clue of how to proceed.

Shifting the bandages adorning his head, Loki clears his throat to get the attention of the other Avengers. “She’s dead,” he states, his voice wavering.

Instantly the room erupts into conversation, some siding with his claim and others insisting she must still be out there.

“She’s been kidnapped frosty, if she’d died on impact we would have found her body with yours in the wreck,” he snaps crossing his own arms and pacing the room. The gesture sending another pang to his heart. She tried so desperately to be different from her father, but in the end she picked up so many of his quirks.

“And you believe they’re just holding her alive somewhere?” Loki challenges. “For what purpose?”

“I don’t know!” Tony snaps. “Money, they probably want money.”

“It’s been weeks Stark,” he counters looking down to the table in front of him. “Shouldn’t they have contacted us by now?”

“I don’t know,” Tony growls back, his hands gripping the edge of the table. “And why don’t you care? Supposedly you loved her, and here you are insisting she’s dead and doing nothing.”

“I do love her,” he growls back himself. “And I want nothing more than for her to come back. But by the nine I’m worried about what she is going through right now if she is alive.”

Getting to his feet, Loki adjusts his sling and stares back into Tony’s eyes, “There are some fates worse than death Stark. I lie awake every night thinking about where she could be or what she could be going through. Death is a kinder fate. And whichever it is, I blame her absence on myself. I was not able to protect her, and now this is the line I have to walk. A constant line between is she dead or being tortured. All because of me.”

Finishing his statement, Loki storms out of the room, slamming the door with his good arm. Thor glances to Tony before chasing after his brother, yelling something about being careful with his injuries.

“She can’t be dead,” Tony murmurs turning back to the screen now showing jet cam footage. Loki and Y/N embracing, before something impacting the jet sends them flying in opposite directions. The control board of the jet flashing as Loki desperately crawls his way toward it, the jet now angled down. The last of the footage shows the roof of the jet being torn away before the camera went black.

-

“Wake up!” Tony yells, ripping the sheets from Loki’s bed.

The god responds slowly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he slowly gets himself into a seated position, looking up at him silently.

Surprised by the lack of response from Loki, Tony takes a moment to look him over, having not spent much time around him the last few months.

The already slim god seemed to have lost weight, his face thinner than normal and seemingly hollowed out. His eyes dull with bags under them, his hair unkept, and a large bruise still seemingly unhealed from the accident months ago.

“What the hell happened to you?” Tony demands suddenly, momentarily distracted.

Loki shrugs before finally responding, “What do you require of me?”

“What do I-“ Tony shakes his head confused. “No snapping at me? No better than thou attitude? And you look like shit.”

“Did you just come to mock my appearance or do you need my assistance Stark?” He responds deadpan, his eyes unable to meet the man before him.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but get up and get suited up,” Tony demands as he makes his way toward the door. “We’re leaving in twenty.”

“I’d prefer to not go on one of your missions,” Loki responds, not moving from his spot. “I’ll be of no use.”

“Oh no, you’re coming,” Tony insists standing at the door. “I know where Y/N is, and we’re bringing her home.”

Loki’s head immediately snaps up, his eyes brightening as he searches Tony’s eyes for a trace of a lie, “She’s alive?”

“My little girl is alive, and we’re going to rescue her and make those bastards pay,” he nods, encouraged by the dangerous smile creeping across Loki’s face. “Jet in twenty?”

“Twenty,” Loki nods back pulling himself from his bed as Tony closes the door.

-

Fifteen minutes later Tony is running through plans with the other Avengers he’s assembled for the mission when the door to the hanger slams open to reveal Loki stalking his way down the ramp. Reaching the group he stands next to Thor with his typical expression, when they all notice the difference in him. His hair wet and brushed, donned in full leathers, his helmet under his arm, two daggers strapped to his legs, the bruise now seemingly inexistent, his eyes alive with fire in them, and a smirk on his face.

“Are you ready for this brother?” Thor asks, obviously trying to hide the concern in his voice. “You haven’t been-“

“Oh I’m more than ready for this,” he states interrupting Thor. “I will bring Y/N home or I will spill the blood of every being in the general vicinity.”

“I’m with Frosty on this one,” Tony throws in as he checks over his nano tech. “If there is a hair on her head displaced, they’re going to suffer.”

“Agreed,” Loki responds as he walks over to Tony, the two walking alongside one another into the jet.

“Glad you went and cleaned up,” Tony remarks glancing over at him.

Loki raises an eyebrow, “Oh?”

“The last thing I need is to rescue my daughter, and her turn around and attack me for letting her boyfriend waste away to nothing in the tower,” he remarks with a smirk. “Still a bit thin, but hopefully that’ll take her time to notice.”

Loki looks away with a sigh as he finds his seat at the back of the jet, “I won’t worry her with my own well-being when she has been the one going through Valhalla knows what for months.”

Tony nods before patting him on the shoulder and making his way to the front of the jet, the other Avengers boarding as he stares absently at the floor. As the jet takes off, he finds himself drifting into a light sleep.

_“I love you,” Y/N whispers in his arms. The steady hum of the jet around them._

_“And I you,” he responded before pressing his lips gently to hers, pulling her in closer to him. “Darling I-“ he begins before a loud explosion sends them flying across the jet into opposite walls._

_“Loki!” Y/N screams as she tries to scramble to her feet, as he clawed his way out of the pile of equipment that had fallen on top of him._

_“Hold on to something!” He yells as he desperately tries to pull himself to the control panel, now flashing a red warning. The jet now facing downward and descending quickly. FRIDAY’s voice echoes around the cabin as he grips the front seat, when suddenly the entire roof of the jet is shredded from the body._

_Equipment flies through the opening as Y/N’s screams echo through his head, glancing back he sees a ship above them, and Y/N holding onto a pipe attached to the floor._

_“Loki do something!” She yells as he makes it into the seat, grabbing the controls, trying to ease their nosedive._

_“Hold on!” He yells as he sees the ground coming up on them quick, “I can’t stop it!”_

_“I can’t hold on much longer!” She yells back._

_Forcing his way out of the seat, he pulls himself along using anything he can get a handhold on, desperately trying to reach her._

_As his hand reaches out, her grip slips from the pole and she slips through his fingertips, sent flying out the open roof. She manages to grab the edge of ripped metal, blood running down the side of the jet as she screams, a similar sound coming from his own lungs. He scrambles trying to climb his way up to pull her back down when they finally hit the ground, and it all went black._

“No… no…NO!” He screeches as Thor shakes him awake violently, yelling to him. He suddenly finds himself curled up in the corner on the jet, all the Avengers staring at him as he shakes. “What?” He snaps, running his fingers through his hair.

“You started shaking then screaming in your sleep,” Thor states, obviously concerned. He pulls Loki into him as he fights the embrace before finally slumping into his brother.

“I’m… fine,” he states as the other Avengers all go back to what they were doing previously. “I just haven’t slept well recently.”

Turning away from Thor he stares at the wall and finds himself thinking back to after the wreck.

He’d awoken to find himself pinned under a section of the jet’s walling, the sharp metal edges from where the roof had once been had embedded itself into his abdomen. Unable to move his one free arm, he laid stuck under the rubble as he scanned the area the best he could. Y/N was nowhere to be found, and the blood on the metal around him, he couldn’t be sure if it was hers or his own. Passing out once again, he later awoke to find the Avengers circled above him, removing the rubble and Thor pulling him into his arms. Everyone throwing questions around about where Y/N was, but he’d drifted back into unconsciousness.

The following week was filled with medical procedures and questions. A broken arm, three ribs, and a leg, concussion, deep cuts into his abdomen, and several cuts and bruises was his final diagnosis upon arrival. He healed slowly, far slower than he ever had in his life. And his days were spent in solitude. He sat awake most nights unable to sleep without reliving his final moments with Y/N. Her slipping through her fingers.

He’d convinced himself she died in the wreck, far easier to accept than thinking she was being held somewhere. Thoughts of his own time held prisoner, he couldn’t bare to think the same could be happening to her and he was unable to stop it. He’d eaten less and less, slept less and less, took care of himself as a whole less and less. He found himself withering away into nothing as the months passed, but he didn’t care. Until this morning. One small spark of hope.

Standing up, he walks around the cabin trying to clear his mind for the upcoming rescue, when he feels on eyes on him. Looking up, he’s met by Tony’s gaze.

Tony nods toward him with a knowing look, Loki noticing the same bags under his eyes. Nodding back he replies softly, “The bastards will pay.”

-

As the jet lands, Loki adjusts his bracers and his hands go to his daggers. Quickly going to stand in front of the exit, Steve puts his hands up.

“Before we do this, the two of you especially,” he gestures to Tony and Loki, “Have to go in with the mindset we don’t know what we’re going to find. This is going to be difficult on all of us. Y/N may or may not actually be in there, she may or may not be with us anymore, or she could be in very bad shape. Go in braced for this team.”

Loki nods slowly, his mind racing as he fights the urge to just rush out of the jet and into the compound. The idea Y/N could be so close, after months believing she was dead… patience was not his virtue at the moment.

After several minutes deliberating, it was decided Loki and Thor would enter from the back to search for Y/N, while the rest of the team stormed the front.

As soon as they made it inside, Loki found himself leaping from enemy to enemy, his daggers in a frenzy as all his pent up rage and frustration of the past months came barreling out.

“Loki!” Thor hisses yanking his brother off of the last man he’d slain. “He’s dead. We have to find Y/N now.”

Shaking his head quickly, he pulls his dagger from the man and gets back to his feet, “We need some directions,” he says quietly as he prowls around the next corner. Finding a man standing with his back to him, he smiles.

Stepping forward he drives a dagger through the man’s back, and slaps a hand over his mouth as he drags him back into the hall full of their carnage.

“Now listen to me mortal,” he growls twisting the dagger, hearing the muffled scream of the man. “You are going to tell me where you keep the prisoners, and maybe I’ll let you live. And if you scream, you will die immediately. Do we have an agreement?”

The man nods frantically as Loki removes his hand, opting to grip his arm instead, “Go down the hall I was in all the way to the end, turn left, pass two hallways, take a right, and the first door on the left,” the man instantly replies. “Please let me go.”

“Very good,” Loki smiles pulling the dagger from the man’s back and hitting him over head with the hilt of it, the man crumpling to the ground.

Loki turns to Thor’s glare, “What? He’s alive. And we know where we’re going.”

Thor sighs before shoving Loki’s back in the direction they were given. Several hallways and enemies later, they finally reach the door they were told.

“You go in, I’ll stand watch,” Thor states as he nods toward the door.

Loki nods stiffly before reaching out to break the lock on the door, and swings it open to reveal a dungeon-like room.

Passing cell after cell, finding each of them empty, Loki finally comes to the last one where what appears to be a figure lays on the floor, covered by a sheet, unmoving. His heart beats frantically in his chest, and his eyes burn as he freezes in place.

_“She’s dead,”_  he whispers to himself.  _“I’m too late.”_

Reaching forward, he breaks the lock in his hands and swings the door open. Each step toward the unmoving figure feels like a mile. Sinking to his knees beside the form, his hand carefully goes to the sheet. As his fingers curl around the edge of it, he braces himself for the worst before yanking it back.

And there she was. Her face pale, covered in bruises and cuts, and sunken in. Almost unrecognizable as the woman he loved. Her hair bloody and matted, but his fingers go to it anyway as he tries to run them through. “Y/N…” he whispers, his voice cracking as he pulls her into his arms.

As he holds her in his arms, a cough comes from her body, startling him. “Y/N?” He asks hesitantly, his head going to her chest. His eyes light up as he hears the sound of her heartbeat, slow and pitiful, but it’s there. “Y/N, darling can you hear me?”

After a few moments, her bloodshot eyes slowly drift open, as they try to focus on the figure in front of her. “Lo-ki?” She whispers, another cough wracking through her body. “Is it… really you?”

“Love it’s me, it’s really me,” he says quickly, gently stroking her cheek.

“I thought…you died,” she continues, her eyes filling with tears. “They said… they killed you.”

“No no, I’m alive, you’re alive, I’m here,” he assures her as his lips press to her forehead.

“Get me out of here, please,” she pleads with him. “They drug me, and and don’t feed me and they-”

“Darling please don’t tell me the details now,” he responds, feeling his body shake in rage. “If you tell me any more I will kill every single person in this building, and we don’t have time. I have to get you out of here.”

“Back wall, there’s a brick with a dot of blood on it,” she says looking toward the wall in question. “Pull the brick out, the usb we needed is in there.”

Looking at her doubtfully, he walks over to the mentioned brick and pulls it out. Sticking his hand in, he grabs ahold of the usb as he turns to look at her again shaking his head. “How in Odin’s name did you… you amazing woman.”

She smiles at him as he walks back over to her side, slipping the usb into his pocket, “This whole thing was a setup. They were trying to lure us all to the other location, when they realized the whole team wasn’t on the jet, they tried to take us out. They took me as a bargaining chip against Dad if it came down to it. They didn’t start drugging me until that went missing. I wouldn’t tell them where it was, and they didn’t want me to figure a way out of here.”

“I’m not sure all of this was worth this one stick,” he admits stroking her forehead. “But you completed the mission, true Avenger aren’t you? Let’s get you out of here love.”

She nods carefully as he wraps her in the sheet and gathers her in his arms. She leans her head against his shoulder, breathing in deeply with a content sigh, “You smell like home.”

His cheeks slightly heat up at her statement as he sets an illusion around them and heads out of the cell, “You’re still under the effects of whatever they’ve drugged with you love.”

“Of course I am,” she answers quietly. “But that doesn’t change what you smell like.”

“Hush you,” he mumbles, a smile spread across his face. “We’re sneaking out of here, I’d rather not engage the entire compound with my arms full.”

A small laugh comes from her as she buries her face against his armor.

Pulling the door to the room open, he steps out into the hallway to find Thor surrounded by a pile of enemies, “Trouble brother?” He asks from under his illusion.

“You’re lucky you informed me it’s you,” Thor remarks unhappily. “You look like a guard carrying a large sack.”

“Protection,” Loki states simply. “Can’t let them see we have her.”

“So she’s under there?” Thor asks, a smile forming on his face, “She’s alive?”

“Still and kicking,” she responds with a small cough. “Ok not so much the kicking part, but I’m alive. Somewhat.”

Nodding to one another, the brothers set out the way they came, Loki in front still covered by his illusion, and Thor trailing behind. Luckily not running into any guards on their way out of the compound, they run for the jet.

“We have her,” Loki states, flipping on his communicator.

“You do? Alive? Where?” Tony responds immediately, the sound of an explosion in the background.

“About 20% alive but alive nonetheless father,” Y/N says into the communicator above her head.

“Oh thank god,” they hear him sigh relieved. “Where are you?”

“We’re out of the compound and nearly back to the jet, we need to get out of here,” Loki responds as Tony tells the jet to come out of camouflaged mode.

“You three get in there, we’ll be back and soon as we can,” Tony answers as he hears them enter the jet. “FRIDAY protocol 57 back on.”

The jet shimmers as the door closes behind them, and Loki lays Y/N down on the makeshift bed Tony had prepared on the way there. Strapping her down, Loki sits next to her stroking her forehead as her eyes look around nervously.

“You look like you’re coming out of your drugged state,” he says quietly. “And you look terrified.”

“The last time I was on a jet we fell from the sky, I flew out the roof, was told you died, and was held prisoner while being tortured for… I don’t even know how long it’s been,” she states wrapping her arms around her body.

Moving to sit on the floor beside her, he carefully lays his head on her stomach as he holds her hand, “I’ll be right here with you, just get some sleep and we’ll be home in no time. Everything is going to be alright.”

-

The weeks that follow the rescue are spent mainly in the medical wing, Y/N being treated for a variety of ailments and injuries she wasn’t even aware of having. By her side every day, Loki sat through every procedure and Tony-ordered therapy session he was allowed in on, refusing to let her out of his sight.

“I can’t do this,” Y/N sighs in defeat, clinging to the railing as her legs threaten to give out beneath her in her latest physical therapy session. “I’m not strong enough.”

“You are,” Loki insists, gently patting her hand. “You can do this.”

Taking a few more steps, Y/N’s legs buckle beneath her as she falls, quickly being caught in Loki’s arms.

Spinning her around, he instructs her to put her feet on the tops of his boots as he wraps his arms around her waist. Holding her in close, he carefully steps around the room with her.

“I can’t do it myself…” she whispers softly, defeat evident in her voice. “I told you I’m not strong enough.”

“Maybe not right now,” he corrects her. “But that’s what I am for is it not?”

“To carry me around?” She asks with the raise of a brow.

“No,” he chuckles pressing his forehead to hers. “To be strong for you when you can’t. To carry each other when the other can’t manage it.”

Tears gather at the corners of her eyes as her arms wrap around his neck, “Thank you.”

“That’s what love is darling,” he responds as he starts to twirl around the medical room, a light carefree laugh coming from Y/N.

“What are you doing?” She asks, a big smile now on her face.

“Having a dance with the most beautiful woman in the world,” he states smugly.

She buries her face in his shirt as they twirl around, her laughter still music to his ears, and her warmth in his arms the best feeling he can recall ever having.

“I love you,” she mumbles quietly, content against the soft fabric of his shirt.

“And I you,” he answers as he presses a kiss to her hair. “We’ll get through this.”

-


End file.
